Determining Your Why
I'm thrilled to have guest authors on the Little Red Stool Organizing website. If there is anything specific you would like to hear about from an expert, let me know and we'll see who we can bring over. Today I'm proud to have Eryn Jones bring you just a taste more about your Why.
I once heard a self-help guru ask, “What matters more to you than money?...Now, ask yourself, ‘Why?’ Those are your values!”
I’m not sure if this will work for everyone, but it has been something that has been helpful for me and my family. Several years ago we felt pulled in multiple directions. Many different kid activities, things to buy, social engagements, home ideas, and many more. We felt overwhelmed and stuck not knowing how to move forward. What should we say, “Yes!” to? What should we let go of? How can we move forward?
So we decided to make a Family Manifesto (which is really just an extra fancy Jones way of saying “our family values” ;)
Writing out our family’s values really helped several pain points. I’ll give you some examples.
Clarifying our values helped us to get to know ourselves better. How are we different from our families of origin? What do we still want to keep about the way we grew up? What do I want to let go of because I am my own person with your own family? This process helped us get in touch with what we truly value and why. And usually the “Why” is unique to each individual.
Clarifying our values helped us have more peace! Think of your Values as a screen through which things can pass through but will keep other things out. After our stressful season several years ago, writing out our values helped us know what to say “Yes” to and what to say “No” to. It also helped us let go of what no longer served us. We stopped hanging onto things just because we felt like we “should”. It was very freeing!
Clarifying our values helped us to live more simply. Our Family Manifesto acted as a litmus test for anything new, or any new decision we made. This made conversations about day-to-day life much easier and more simple! Even if a big decision were to come up, we knew we had the tool handy to help us have productive conversations about it. Things were much less overwhelming!
Identifying your personal values can be challenging. So often we go through life just letting things happen to us. Stepping outside of that and connecting with what we truly love, desire, value, and believe in, has to be intentional. If you find yourself struggling to identify what your values are, here are some tips:
Start with just words. Words you identify with, words you love. Words are sometimes representative of deep values we carry.
Look at where you spend your time, your energy, your money, and which relationships make you feel the most comfortable. These three things highlight where our values lie: time, money, people. Sometimes it can help to look at the decisions we are already making with our money or time and ask ourselves, “Why?” Why am I spending so much time on this? What is it about this that I value so much?
My friend Heather says that when we are putting together our values, we may want to be a certain kind of person (the fantasy self!) that we actually are not! She says that a true value should fit like a warm, cozy sweater. I love this description! So if you are writing your values out, if it doesn’t fit you like a well-worn sweater, then maybe it’s more of a desire, not a value. Every person on the earth tries other people’s values on like clothes. Some fit better than others, but you want your own values to fit like a warm, well-worn, loved item of clothing.
Eryn Jones has many former lives, but currently is a Podcaster, Homeschool Mother, amateur Designer, and wife to a brilliant Science Teacher. Eryn has hosted 2 popular podcasts, The Practical Minimalists & The Common Cult, hosted with her friend Heather Conkin. Eryn currently podcasts at The Common Cult about how pretty much everything is a little bit culty, but when is it harmful? With a candy-coated, true-crime vibe, Heather and Eryn deep-dive groups in popular culture- from Planner People to Royal Family Enthusiasts! Eryn can be found on IG @erynejones and both shows are out wherever you listen to your podcasts.